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However, the same source noted that, since Abuja is a “melting pot,” issues such as ethnicity and religion do not have a big impact on a woman’s ability to live on her own there ibid. The member of FIDA explained that Abuja has a high level of institutional corruption and its economy is “largely driven by government patronage;” there is limited access to well-paid jobs and housing, as these are in the hands of only a few people Member 20 June The same source further stated that for a single woman to access housing and employment in Abuja, she must go through “multiple barriers,” such as being solicited for sexual favours by skilled and unskilled “‘middle-men"” ibid.
She also noted that working-class women who live alone may be preyed upon by middle-aged men who view them as “emotionally and sexually needy” ibid. The member of FIDA stated that “[w]omen of middle class earnings face serious bias from live-in landlords” in Abuja, who view them as “likely to over-populate their rented homes by bringing in female squatters or entertaining male visitors for perceived clandestine reasons” Member 20 June According to the same source, single women in Abuja, particularly those with a low education, are viewed as “‘prostitutes"” ibid.
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The transition from premarital sexual relationships and courtship to marriage and parenthood in southeastern Nigeria involves particularly dramatic adjustments for young women who have absorbed changing ideas about sexuality, marriage, and gender equality, and who have had active premarital sexual lives. In the eyes of society, these women must transform from being promiscuous girls to good wives. Historically, the rise of romantic love as a marital ideal has sometimes been perceived to be associated with greater gender equality, as changes in expectations for and practices in marriage are tied to the erosion of a highly sex-segregated division of labor.
In many settings, transformations in the dynamics of marital intimacy have been interpreted as offering women the possibility of utilizing emotional leverage with their husbands to negotiate more equitable domestic arrangements Collier , Hirsch , Rebhun But in Nigeria changes in marriage and in the public and private dimensions of gender asymmetry have not occurred uniformly or beyond the continuing influence of powerful kinship systems and structures of inequality.
Further, once a couple is married, kin relationships frequently impinge on contemporary conjugal life, perhaps most overtly with regard to fertility and parenting. A gendered division of labor continues to characterize many spheres of Nigerian social life, even as urbanization, formal education, and broader trends toward individualism produce changes that push against entrenched gendered social organization.
In marriage, women are constrained in many ways they did not experience when they were single, even as they have new powers, having achieved a status that is highly valued. These changes, and the ways women adjust to them, highlight the complex and multivalent dimensions of gender dynamics in the context of contemporary Nigerian courtship and marriage.
The transition to marriage has always been characterized by noteworthy adjustments. Nearly every society marks the onset of marriage with rituals that signify and facilitate these transformations. Nevertheless, marriage in contemporary southeastern Nigeria seems to involve particularly dramatic adjustments for young women who have absorbed changing ideas about sexuality, marriage, and gender equality, and who have had active premarital sexual lives.
As Nigeria becomes more urban and as most females attend secondary school, a significant majority of young women are exposed to these new ideas. Further, most women are sexually active before marriage.
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LIFE in Lagos can be hard, even for a young, salaried professional. The long working hours, the endless traffic and the pressure to keep up appearances in a city that idolises wealth often leave people exhausted by the weekends, which are packed with lavish weddings and lengthy church services. They can also make it hard to find love.
Tinder, a dating app where users reject or select potential partners by swiping left or right, has not proved as popular in Lagos as it is with time-poor young people elsewhere. Women find cheating husbands. For heterosexuals looking for something serious, megachurches run singles events. Weddings are also seen as a good place to meet future spouses. Gay Nigerians, most of whom are in the closet, tend to meet at private parties.
Parents also put pressure on their children to find a partner, inviting men over for dinner or sending women to meet their sons. For many young people the only way to date is to find someone who lives and works nearby—and spend time together during the long commute. Reuse this content The Trust Project.